Unleashing your inner CEO 🗄🗝
How to use Internal Family Systems (IFS) to better connect with your inner startup CEO
"Running is both exercise and a metaphor. Running day after day, piling up the races, bit by bit I raise the bar, and by clearing each level I elevate myself. At least that's why I've put in the effort day after day: to raise my own level."
- Haruki Murakami, “What I Talk About When I Talk About Running”
I've loved running since I was a kid. While I was never one to run the farthest nor the fastest, I keep coming back to it over the years. Always pushing for that next personal best. It's a familiar pattern for many of us – that constant drive for high performance. On a tough run, my internal dialogue goes something like: "Come on! You can do better! Push yourself!" It often feels like I am both drill sergeant and platoon. And I’m not sure if either is helping me run faster or farther.
As leaders, we’re constantly optimizing external systems – strategy, team resourcing, productivity tools, incentives etc.. But what if our biggest bottleneck to performance isn't external? What if it's your internal operating system? We set ambitious goals, block out focus time, build agentic workflows, and still find ourselves drifting, procrastinating, or feeling perpetually overwhelmed. This isn't just frustrating; it's a critical drain on our teams and mental state.
Introducing the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model to help run your inner startup
What if your mind isn't a single entity, but more like a diverse, sophisticated startup team? That's the core idea behind Richard Schwartz's Internal Family Systems (IFS) framework. IFS suggests your mind is composed of various parts – like different teams within a company – each with its own role and intention.
Think of your mind broken up into teams. You might have a Strategic Planning department defining your vision, a Product Operations team focused on launch execution, a Client Relations department that says yes to requests, and many more. Each team believes it's doing what's best for you, even if their combined actions lead to internal conflict, or feeling burnt out.
In IFS, just like in a startup, there are no bad teams. Every team has a positive intent. When you procrastinate it could likely be your Quality Assurance team trying to ensure perfect delivery, thus delaying the launch. Similarly, your internal Operations Directors might be hyper critical of your every move after you had a long day, driven by a desire to protect you from failure.
The CEO: your true Self
So, if we have all these internal team members, who can see the whole picture and allocate resources? In IFS, that's your Self – your innate core that exhibits 8 Cs: curiosity, calm, clarity, compassion, confidence, care, connectedness, and courage.
Your Self is the calm, compassionate CEO. It's the control center that can observe the entire system, understand the needs and motivations of each team, and lead with an overarching strategic vision. Your startup CEO won’t thrive by shutting down teams. Rather your Self can guide them to deliver optimal outcomes.
When your Self is leading, you're at your most unvarnished and real. You're observing your internal landscape with curiosity, understanding the positive intent of each team, and gently guiding them towards alignment with your true priorities. You’re not judging yourself or others. You’re excited to be here and connect with those around you.
Exiles: younger CEOs shaping your startup
Within your internal company, beyond the active teams, are deeply impactful parts called Exiles. These are the suppressed, often vulnerable, younger versions of your CEO – perhaps a young intern or a precocious engineer. These Exiles were once full of the 8 Cs of the Self / CEO. They had unbridled curiosity, calm, confidence, connectedness, clarity, care, creativity, and courage. However, early setbacks, failures, or moments of feeling overwhelmed were not accepted. Which resulted in pain and shame that overcame them.
To protect the system from this pain, your internal Operations Directors and Safety & Compliance Teams pushed these Exiles out from day-to-day operations. They did this with the intent to keep the company running smoothly and to prevent past vulnerabilities from resurfacing.
However, by pushing these Exiles out, the pushed away the wisdom and joy of these younger versions of the Self. And the Exiles’ pain, though hidden, often drives the protective behaviors of your Operations Directors and Safety & Compliance Teams. For example, a hidden Exile who experienced public failure (e.g. a painful memory of embarrassment on stage) might be why your current Operations Director insists on flawless execution, or why your Safety & Compliance Team triggers procrastination to avoid putting you in a vulnerable position again. When Exiled, these hidden parts drain your system's resources, causing internal gridlock and burnout.
Applying IFS to unleash your inner CEO
The IFS framework wasn’t meant for theory, but for daily practice. Here's how to start:
Identify Your Active Startup Team : When you feel overwhelmed, get curious. What team is active?
Is it the Communications department, frantically checking emails to avoid bad surprises (positive intent: prevent missing updates)?
Is it the Quality Assurance team delaying launch to protect from embarrassment (positive intent: prevent bugs, ensure quality)?
Is it your Safety & Compliance Team trying to extinguish perceived threats with quick fixes (positive intent: alleviate immediate stress)?
Are your internal Operations Directors driving you with relentless pressure to do better (positive intent: ensure success, avoid failure)?
Step Back: Like a CEO stepping away from a heated meeting, break away from the team’s intensity. Breath. Find your CEO: calm, clarity, and care. Notice where you feel the team member in your body (for example, my Operations team is in my chest).
Engage with Curiosity: From your Self (your internal CEO), silently ask the team member: "What are you trying to do for me? What are you afraid will happen if you don’t intervene?" Your team member might reveal it's trying to protect you from the immense pressure of a big presentation, fearing failure. Often, this is connected to an Exile that experienced pain related to similar situations in the past.
Appreciate and Re-negotiate: Once you understand a team member’s positive intent, your Self can appreciate the intent, and propose a new agreement. This requires the Self to validate the pain of the Exile team members, and thank both them, and the intervening team member. And assuring them they are safe now, and that the CEO can lead. This allows the Operations Director and Safety & Compliance Teams to relax their overprotective strategies.
Your Communications department might step back if your Self commits to dedicated focus blocks.
Your Quality Assurance team might relax if your Self assures it that iterative progress and feedback loops will lead to success, by acknowledging the fear of failure held by an Exile.
Your Safety & Compliance Team might trust the Self to handle discomfort directly, reducing their need for urgent interventions, as the underlying pain of the Exile is addressed.
Beyond Self: leading with IFS principles
Understanding your own parts and leading from your Self profoundly shifts how you lead your external team. Instead of seeing “problem employees”, you'll start seeing their “team members” in action.
Curiosity over Judgment: When someone on your team struggles, lead with curiosity. Ask, "What might be driving this behavior for them? What might they be trying to protect or achieve?"
Understanding Positive Intent: Just like your internal procrastinator, your team’s resistance to a new initiative might have an Operations Director concerned about past failures. Address their underlying positive intent.
Creating Psychological Safety: When you embody Self-leadership – responding with calm, compassion, and clarity – you create a psychologically safe environment, encouraging open communication and risk-taking.
Empowering Autonomy: A Self-led CEO asks questions that help team members tap into their own Self – their inner wisdom. "What's your sense of the best way forward?" empowers all their parts.
The power of a high performing internal team
On a run a few days ago, I tried something new. As I was struggling with the last mile, I noticed my inner Operations Director telling me to step it up. “Come on, go faster! You have to beat your last time! You can do better!”. My standard inner dialogue was very familiar. But I wanted to test something new. I silently appreciated the Director for trying to protect me from failure. And assured it that I did not need protection right now; I will be just fine. I immediately felt like a huge weight was lifted from my chest. It was visceral and instant.
I ran faster, with more confidence and joy, than I could remember.
What it might look like if you could channel your inner CEO:
Your Operations Director prioritizes with confidence, not fear.
Your Young Engineers freely explore new ideas.
Your Safety & Compliance Team feels heard and can trust the CEO to lead effectively, reducing their need for reactive interventions.
And your Self – your internal CEO – directs it all with clarity, calm, and confidence, having integrated and healed those once-exiled team members.
This isn't about more time management hacks; it's about optimizing your internal operating system and fostering a truly high-performing, compassionate, and resilient team. By befriending your inner parts and empowering your Self, you'll unlock a new level of leadership and collective power.
Call to action
Pay attention today to the inner startup team members that show up when you're feeling overwhelmed or off-track; inquire about the intent behind their actions. What do you notice? What roles might you re-negotiate?
The Wake Up Top 5
What we’ve been loving this week
Read: Scarlett Johansson is now the world’s highest grossing lead actor. Respect!
Watch: 100 years of history in 100 film clips. If you’re a history AND a film buff, you will enjoy this.
Read: Young Americans spend 70% less time partying today than 25 year ago. Why? Really interesting and nuanced read.
Read: What People are Vibe Coding (and actually using). Love the emoji story generator!
Cook: No-stir zucchini risotto. I’ll be making this and other listed recipes with the endless zucchini supply of summer.
If you’ve made it this far, know that I’m so grateful you spent your time reading The Wake Up when you could be scrolling on TikTok, YT, or Instagram or doing 100 other things as a busy, wonderful person. Thank you and let me know what you’d like to read next.